Leviticus 19:11
Ye shall not steal, neither deal falsely, neither lie one to
another.
Why do we lie to each other? Of what are we afraid? The truth?
If the truth is offensive, then what is life? Some kind of game?
To lie to and deceive another is to steal. We rob people when we deny them the truth. We rob them of a relationship with who we
truly are – and we rob ourselves. When
we present ourselves to others as something that we are not, we can never enter
into authentic and truly intimate, loving relationships with those people. Perhaps, we think that this is not a problem
as long as we lie to strangers (strangers who we may think are only looking to
get something from us for themselves, anyway, for that’s how closely greed and
dishonesty are linked in our lives.) But
every single person in my life has started off as a stranger. I was conceived in my mother’s womb – but did
I know her? From the moment of my
conception, half of my DNA was from my father – but did I know him? As they held me in their arms, rocked me, fed
me, bathed me, kissed me, I came to know them more – but only because they gave
themselves to me through truly loving me.
And if I deny this opportunity of knowing me and loving me to other
people, then everyone will remain a stranger to me. If I lie to strangers, and make it difficult
for them to know my real self, then I cheat myself of the opportunity to know
them.
So often, however, we lie to the people that we
love. Why? Sometimes because we have done something that
we know is wrong and we don’t want them to know about it and other times
because we think they should be protected from the truth about themselves or someone
else and so we tell them a lie that we think they will want to hear. To the second kind of life first, we cannot
really know what is good or bad for a person.
A “kind lie” can eventually hurt much more and do much more damage than
the painful truth. We don’t have to tell
the bride, just before she walks down the aisle, that her dress looks hideous
on her – that’s a matter of opinion, anyway.
But, as the truth about someone’s bad conduct has a way of inevitably
coming out, let’s not compound this difficulty by telling a lie. The person that we are trying to protect
wants to be able to trust us – that is the basis of every relationship. When in such a relationship with a person, it
is far better to trust that person with being able to handle the truth – and to
help them to do so in whatever way that we can.
The first kind of lie, then, is an attempt to
protect ourselves. We did something bad
and we don’t want someone else to know about it – because we don’t want to be
punished by them or look bad in their eyes.
So we hide ourselves. But, if we
keep hiding ourselves, we will not be able to connect to anyone, because no one
will know who we are. We will begin to
feel that we are living a lie, whether consciously so or not, we will feel an
estrangement between us and others, a decrease in trust, and a growing absence
of love. Only through truth can we truly
connect with others – and only through truly connecting to others can we truly
love. When someone presents us with
their truth – ugly or painful as it may be – we must, at least, thank them for
respecting us enough to tell us the truth.
If we are honest, then we will know ourselves and know that we are just
as capable as doing something so hurtful or ugly given a certain set of
circumstances and, so, in truth, we should be merciful – for that is exactly
how we would want to be treated. We
should not assist the person in hiding or covering up their truth. We are all flawed and we must accept
that. Only in accepting that, can we
learn to forgive. And only by forgiving,
can we really be honest with one another, connect, and love.
It’s not that I have the right to know the truth –
standing stridently with fists on hips – it’s that the fullness of reality
contains my true self and my true joy.
Anything less than the truth (whether received from someone or given by
me) is a turning away from the fullness of reality and, so, a turning away from
God. God’s perfect, we are not. And we usually lie to cover up our
imperfections. But, perhaps, doing that
also covers God’s perfection, His divine forgiveness, His mercy and love. The truth will set us free. Do not be afraid. Only by fearlessly confessing what we have
done, how the world is, and who we are, can we appreciate and accept the
majesty of God, our need for salvation, and God’s infinite, merciful love.
Christina Chase
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