Take No Thought

Matthew 6:31-33

31. Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32. (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

33. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

I might be having surgery.  My gynecologist wants to remove a uterine fibroid, warning that, if she doesn't, well... basically I might bleed to death.  Nice and scary doctor talk.  The problem is that I have severe scoliosis and, with my SMA and restricted lung disease making intubation unpalatable to me, spinal anesthesia could be very tricky.  The choice to have surgery is not a no-brainer by any means, so I have to make a decision.  And I've been praying that I'll make the right one.

My big question to God is, "What shall I do?"  Perhaps, however, I'm being over solicitous about the survival of my body.  God knows what I need to live my life and God will provide.  Is that not what Scripture tells us?  And yet... I do wonder... is God providing me with surgery so that I can live my life as He intends?  Or, should I leave all of this completely in His hands and deal with the fibroid naturally?  This is the first time that I've ever thought that it would be easier to be a Christian Scientist.  But, I can also see that, perhaps, I'm missing the point of Scripture.  Instead of wondering what I should do for my body and asking God to show me the right answer, I should wonder at the Mystery and majestic beauty of God and ask Him to open me up to His ultimate plan for me.

My life should certainly not be about when or how I will die.  Life is about living.  If I immerse my mind and spirit in the infinite wellspring of Divine Presence, Divine Beauty and Love, perhaps, then, all the little turns in life will be made clear.  For first, obviously, is existence and then, second, is material movement and all matters of the physical world.  To surrender and let myself be united, at one, with the Eternal Source of Being in my thoughts and prayers -- that is surely the beginning, the first order of things.  I have no food, no drink, no body to clothe, without first my soul and the outpouring power of God's creative love.  Let me rest on that, truly think of that... ponder that... gnaw upon that.  And everything else will come after, as fruit proceeds from the submerging of the withdrawn seed.