And I Beheld, and I Heard

Revelation 5:11-13

11. And I beheld, and I heard the voice of many angels round about the throne and the beasts and the elders: and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands;

12. Saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing.

13. And every creature which is in heaven, and on the earth, and under the earth, and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, heard I saying, Blessing, and honour, and glory, and power, be unto him that sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb for ever and ever.

"To God be the glory!"  I've heard some people say this or, "The glory goes to God" -- athletes after victory or maybe a country music singer receiving an award.  And I've kind of dismissed it with an unsettling feeling, not quite sure what I don't like about it.  I've now concluded that the problem is that I just don't understand what it means.

Glory.  What is glory?  We most often hear about it in terms of victory, a sports team on the "glory road", a glorious win, glory days when a person was triumphant and celebrated.  With the same kind of meaning, we refer to glory in other ways, too.  The glory of a summer day, a glorious sunrise, an eagle soaring in all its glory.  There's something supremely beautiful and good in anything glorious.  And yet, when we speak of a glory of sunrise or an eagle or a rose in full bloom we aren't really speaking of glory that originates within the sunrise or eagle or rose, it is not something that was created by each of these things.  They're glorious because they were created in a way that manifests supreme beauty and goodness.  The glory is not their own, but comes through them from their Creator, from their source that is, ultimately, the source of all glory.

When we give glory to a victorious team we think about what the team accomplished, what the individual people did working together as a unit to earn the victory.  But, in this cold, calculating way, what precise actions led to what specific results, we aren't really thinking about glory.  It's mechanical and efficient.  It does its job.  It does what it was formed to do.  What's so glorious about that?  Glorious victories are usually those that are unexpected or unusual -- not the logical consequence of a mechanical process.  When the underdog triumphs against all odds -- that's a glorious victory.  When the favorite team dominates in a brilliantly masterful way -- that's a glorious victory, too.  These are not formulas to be replicated so much as moments in time that will never be exactly repeated.  Like every sunrise is different.  When human beings excel in such a way, they are like that eagle in glorious flight.  They capture our imaginations, elevate our spirits, and fill us with joy and awe.

There is a reason that some people, when they come to a glorious moment in their own lives, will say out loud "To God be the glory!"  It isn't a falsely modest statement or a testament of low self-esteem, it is a simple acknowledgment of truth.  The person has glimpsed supreme wonder, beauty and goodness, has been momentarily immersed in it, and has recognized the source, the source of true glory who is God, the creator and master of all.  Of course, nothing exists without God.  But, also, nothing glorious exists except through God's glory -- we shine it forth.

We do not merely reflect it.  We, created in the image of God, have the divinely-given ability to step into God's glory, to participate in it.  "The glory of God is Man fully alive," said St. Irenaeus.  And, so, when we are fully alive, beholding and hearing ultimate reality, which is divine love, and fulfilling the promise of our being, living in truly loving relationship with ourselves, with one another, and with our Creator, then we sublimely sing with our very actions and being, "Glory be to God!"  The human soul exalts -- and so, God in His Heaven exalts, too.

Christina Chase

Leadeth unto Life

Matthew 7:13-14

13. Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:

14. Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

When I first became aware of the presence of God and knew that that which we call God is real, the experience was boundless, as of infinity itself, and no words or definitions would suffice.  In the after (aftermath, afterbirth, afterglow) as I journeyed to seek union with the Infinite/Eternal One, I was determined to put no limits around my experience.  Revelation had come in the wide openness of a summer's day, beneath the spreading greenness of a grapevine and the blue-and-white effervescence of the sky -- therefore, I could not, I believed, come to understand and live the fullness of divine truth in any kind of structure.  No organized religion for me.

The thing about limitlessness is that, once you step into it, there is nothing upon which to grab hold.  I could have tried to right myself into the position that I thought was best but, to do that, I would have had to ignore the way of the Infinite/Eternal One.  Rather, loving truth, wanting only truth, I followed where it led me and, much to my surprise, found myself outside the door of the Church.  This time, I was not running out and away blindly, for the sake of running, never truly knowing what I had left.  Instead, I was flowing forward toward the open door, my own heart opened wide, my mind and will opened and reaching beyond beyond.  But how could I, with all my wordless wonder, my experience of infinity and effervescent soul, how could I ever fit within the walls of that structure?  How could I know and unite with eternity within that confinement?

I threw my head back and stretched my hand up to the sky, to the endless space beyond.  And, then... and then I saw: the steeple of the Church is pointing the same way, trying to reach up past the dome of the earth with the infinite directional points of the Cross leading the way.  The Church and I are one.  For I am limited, a finite structure bound to the laws of physics, always seeking, wanting to transcend to divine truth, always hoping to live in the infinite reality that lies within and beyond the created world.  And, so too, the Church is limited in Her finite, earthly structure and, yet... holy transcendence deep within Her heart.  So, I, earthly creature of spiritual soul,  stepped through the narrow door to the infinite space within.

Teach me.

Christina Chase

Of One

Acts 4:32

32. And the multitude of them that believed were of one heart and of one soul: neither said any of them that ought of the things which he possessed was his own; but they had all things common.

The earth is full of complexity and variety, of myriads and multitudes of human beings.  Different languages, habits, skin colors, body shapes, talents, experiences, understandings, possessions, relationships, creeds, and perspectives have we.  And, yet, we are all bound together by our common humanity -- by being human.  As far as we know, none of us asked to become alive and all of us certainly, we know, will die.  We have the same basic requirements for survival -- and the same essential needs for joy.  To love and to be loved is commonly held to be the common goal of humankind's common quest for happiness, though there always will be some who deny it or ignore it.  That is something else that makes us human beings more alike than unalike: we can be wrong.

What we undoubtedly hold in common -- life, death, and the needed sustenance found in our shared habitat, that is, presently, Earth -- should draw us together in sympathy.  We should remember that none of us invented the universe or ourselves.  No matter what our tastes, opinions, or choices, the fact that we are human beings -- and, as such, subject to life and death -- is not a product of our wills.  We cannot take credit for our existence.  Nor for existence itself.  And we cannot even take credit for our survival because every one of us is dependent on others.

Some might try to say that this is not true of themselves, for they live in the wild, surviving only on what they find there.  And for those survivalists who live out there naked with no matches and no iron or steel this is true -- in the present moment.  But, in the beginning, that wild individualist was formed in a woman's womb and, as an infant, needed to suckle and be warmed in order to live, and, even if grown to be feral as a youngster, will have learned survival techniques from some creature, be that creature wolf or human.  None of us is truly independent.  We all need.  And we all need others. 

And yet we claim and hog and distance and push away to satisfy our own needs at the expense of others whose survival is in jeopardy.  "Finders keepers, losers weepers."  "Looking out for number one" and mantras like that.  All of us are capable of becoming little despots with decadent amounts of survival requirements and the delusionary pride that for this reason we are here.  And then, we die, like all the rest, and our rotting human flesh returns to the soil matter of the earth.  How clever of us to have lived longer than some.  How clever of us to have ensured that our decomposing organisms will be sealed in tombs, away from the other dirt for at least a millennium or two.

Ah, the littleness of our minds -- another thing we have in common with one another.  That person you dismiss, your neighbor, your enemy, the one who did you wrong, the one you pity, the one you find disgusting, or the one you overlook, is as human as you are: was born, will die, needs.  You share this earth with that person.  You come from the same source.  You both have pain and suffering, hope and delight, sorrow and fears... sorrowing over, fearing and suffering similar things.  Like loss... despair... futility.  We could acknowledge this and remember it and be kind to one another.  We could comfort and console.  We could hold each other up when we falter and laugh together when we joy.  We could, in empathetically relating to others who are so different than us and, yet, so essentially the same, learn to truly love and to be loved.  We could make our finite lives about the infinite truth of our existence.  To put it poetically, and no less truly, we are poured forth here upon this spinning sphere to mingle and flow, to pool together our essences in everlasting wonder and awe.

Your life is not your possession.  You are part of me as I am part of you.  Only the truly brave -- those brave enough to, say, take a leap of faith -- can admit this truth and face the reality of life and death in the union of hearts and souls as they truly are: united, as Albert Einstein once said, "in a bond of sympathy."

                                         Christina Chase

Verily Say unto This Mountain

Matthew 21:21

21. Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.

You are small, you are little, and you cannot do great things.

You are thin, you are weak, and you cannot be powerful.

You are random, you are temporary, and you cannot have importance.

A wisp of matter,

a drop of water,

a breath of air;

What are you to the mighty, the strong, the men and moments of substance?

What are you... but... the start?

Say unto this mountain to be removed and the flimsy mists shall come...

the small drop of water shall touch the temporal earth and it shall begin.

The will is weighty and, though the way is weak,

the word spoken in truth shall be fulfilled.

For goodness is in accord with the nature of the thing;

and all that appears weak, lowly, insignificant, is, with true faith, faith in truth,

revealed and seen for what it really is.

No matter the seeming impossibility of the desire,

if what is desired is the fulfillment of goodness,

the fruition of humility, the maturation of selfless love,

that resists not what is to be, but yields forth to the coming of am --

then no power is of greater worth.

For shall the cowardice in my heart be forced out by muscle?

Or shall bravery come only with one tiny "yes"...

sighed in tremulous breath from an unwavering knowledge of the good.

The Oppressor

Proverbs 3:31

31. Envy thou not the oppressor, and choose none of his ways.

Sometimes, it just looks so much easier.  Other people don't seem to care about their spiritual state -- beyond "thou shalt not kill" -- and follow no religion, no guidelines, no practices.  And, yet, they seem to be happy.  They are good people who conduct themselves decently, have families and friends, own nice things, have fun, and even do good works for others sometimes.  And all without the addition of religious dogma, doctrine, and duties to carry around.  Surely, they are more free and, therefore, more joyful.  Right?  So, why am I burdening myself with Christianity, and, more pointedly, Catholicism?

I sometimes think this way.  It's only natural when I live in a secular culture and am surrounded by people who rarely talk of God or their souls.  To be a traditional (read fully authentic) Catholic Christian these days in the United States of America is considered radical and antiquated.  At best, I am a poor slob who needs the comfort of fairy tales or, at worst, I am an irrational fool, controlled by old white men, bent on conforming others to my superstition.  But... who really is the oppressor here?  What about the sense of something more that is beyond words and materialism and the scrutiny of telescopes and microscopes?  What about the wonder, present throughout human history, even in our scientifically-intelligent age, that draws human beings to look deeply within themselves and beyond all finite confines?  Physicists are not immune to that sense of inexplicable and inexhaustible mystery.  Albert Einstein himself was a man who often talked about God and believed in the human soul.  Yet, the empiricists of our day scoff at the poetry that lies between the metered lines and reduce the beauty and true ecstasy of love to brain chemicals, social conditioning, and sex.  They demystify, diminish, and even ridicule Christ because they have no idea who He is.  And we, who have an inkling, who have a glimpse of a glimmer of a knowing, are labeled as dreamers, dunces, or despots and our desire for spiritual knowledge and teachings -- for the whole truth of reality -- is oppressed.

Just be a good person, they will say.  And to be a good person, be free of conforming constraints that are not agreed upon by a majority of diverse people.  In other words, follow the majority, let the majority decide, be formed and shaped by what most people do in response to what the loudest people say.  Do not think for yourselves.  Do not spend too much effort trying to find your true self.

But, I reject all oppressors.  I'm not Catholic because practitioners of that faith indoctrinated me through exposure and extortion.  In fact, I'm not Catholic because of the example of Catholic people at all.  I was an atheist who, in the silence and stillness of nothing became aware of something beyond nothing, something beyond words or understanding.  That human wonder and sense of sacred Mystery was there and I did not run away from it or let others coax it or beat it down out of me.  Through the long journey of wondering, asking, seeking, discovering, I was never looking to be confined or conformed.  Now, as a believing Christian, I am still and always living for freedom and restoration.  Not the rigidity of rules.  Not the oppression of my true self.  No.  I seek to be truly and fully human, truly and fully alive -- truly and fully joyful.  And, surprise, it doesn't come by snapping my fingers.  (Good thing, because I can't snap my fingers.)  It comes through love -- true love.  Not biochemistry and temporarily satisfying social constructs.  But real agape, divine love that calls for my discipleship, for me to open myself up wide to the wonder and the awe.

And I will not stop there.  There are many people who call themselves spiritual but not religious because they do not want to try to fit this wonder and awe into a structure like organized religion.  However, this is looking at it the wrong way around.  Oak trees don't get stuffed down into an acorn -- they grow forth from the acorn.  A wildflower, which seems to grow so effortlessly, has its own struggles and pains -- as well as an order and form to follow.  Let us be like the little flowers in the field, for, from the safety of tiny confines miraculous beauty does grow.  My living spirituality comes forth from my religion as all of us, all of the complex diversity and beauty of creation, comes forth from God – from Divine Will, Word, and Way.  This is the truth -- this is Christ.  I seek the fullness of reality in Him, in the Way, the Truth, and the Life -- and the truth sets me free so that my joy may be ever full.

The true oppressors of the world seek for themselves power over those whom they oppress.  Sometimes, perhaps, they may truly want others to be as happy as they are -- but if that is their true desire then they will encourage others to ask, to seek, and to knock, they will never force.  Usually, it seems to me, oppressors want others to be as miserable as they are.  They think worldly power is everything and physical weakness or littleness is to be avoided at all costs -- and so they are miserable.  The finite will always fade and crumble away, but the Mystery is eternal.  And the Mystery can only be entered through free and true love.

The next time that I envy the ease with which others seem to live their lives, I will remember the struggle of wildflowers and the pain of bursting forth from an acorn so that there will always be an acorn from which to burst.  I am an Oak tree, a Catholic, because that's the truth of who I am -- conceived in the structure that gave birth to me and in which I am rooted: Christ.

The Earth Is Full

Psalms 33:4-5

4.      For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth.

5.      He loveth righteousness and judgment: the earth is full of the goodness of the LORD.

The earth is full of the goodness of the Lord;

the reality of being is truth

and truth comes forth from the Lord, the Source

Who opens His Mouth and utters His Word,

the Word that is the power of creation, the power of life,

the power of reality: truth.

All that flows from the Source is alive in the truth, is true, lives truth;

but any who deny the way, fight the current, though they are alive because of the truth,

do not live truth, are not righteous, and so cannot fully receive the goodness of the Lord.

For creation overflows

with the goodness of the Lord uttered forth by his Word

and all who are created in the Image of the Lord are made to overflow

with the beauty of this bounty. 

Yet, if those creatures do not image the Lord, do not receive the truth of the reality of being,

and so do not live, wholly and willfully, in the flow of the Word,

then they have absented themselves from the fullness of the goodness of the Lord

-- as they absent themselves from the earth, from truth, from the reality of being --

and so from the fullness of being Images of God, which is loving

truth and the fullness of the good.

All of God's works are done in truth: God does not lie.  The Lord speaks only the Word, which is truth, which is goodness.  Judge rightly what is denial and what is done in union with the truth, in the fullness of love, which is the order of the divine.

       ~Christina Chase

Uttereth

Proverbs 10:18

18. He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool.

Soft and malleable,

muscular, taut and loose,

tongue and lips, throat and lungs:

The working of speech is slippery,

the breathed soundwaves a moment's energy quickly dissipated.

And yet... is there no finer fatal sword?

Is there no sharper-toothed bite?

Is there no piercing projectile of greater pain?

"Guilty" to the innocent

"Unworthy" to the heart

"Unwanted" to the soul

.

Words are formed easily

by people, who blow smoke and misery with each pronunciation,

using the tender lips and agile tongue to obfuscate truth,

thinking themselves clever with a smile.

And yet... fools they be.

For what is a moment's wave quickly dissipated to truth? 

Men can be blinded and lulled, their bodies

of malleable matter and temporal energy give in, give out,

but the infinite eternity of truth is unchangeable. 

The breathed words pass through

and leave no mark, no trace. 

The soul does not live in the wet airways and dark, flickering synapses, no.

...The soul abides...

homed by truth unchanging and unfooled.

All are known here, all beloved, all enfolded;

Undisturbed

by the malicious mumblings

and petty prattle of soft tissue putrefied

on the last day.

Swallowing a Camel

Matthew 23:23-24

23. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.

24. Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.

The recent shooting massacre at a Newtown Connecticut elementary school has rekindled the political debate over gun control laws.  This is a natural and reasonable reaction.  It is painfully difficult to imagine 20 little children being killed indiscriminately by piercing projectiles, tearing into their fragile young bodies amid terror and screams.  The suddenness and finality of those gunshots coming, as it would seem, from out of nowhere, overwhelms our senses -- this is beyond human, out of human scale and, in thinking about it, we, like the children, scurry for some place to hide.  Right now, for us, that place to hide is behind legal bans on assault style weapons. 

The ease with which a young man can kill so many frightens us so that we seek to take the ease away from others.  But... what of the desire?  Why would a young man WANT to kill so many innocent little children?  Why would a young man want to kill perfect strangers in a movie theater or a shopping mall?  Why would any young man want to murder his fellow human beings and then murder himself?  There is something wrong here.  Something beyond human, out of human scale; there is something broken and damaged to such a degree that an individual human person is capable of committing a senseless, atrocious and horrifying act.  This is what should terrify us.  And it does.  It terrifies us so that our minds become paralyzed and we don't know what to do.  We don't understand this desire to kill little five and six year old children.  We don't understand why anyone would choose to deliberately murder over and over and over and over again and again and again and again.... and, so, we look for something easier, something that we can understand.  Guns are mechanical devices that humans have invented.  They are bought, sold, manufactured and destroyed.  If we get rid of them and the terrifying image of lethal bullets flying indiscriminately, then our apprehension will decrease, our fears will calm down, and we will believe that we have control.  Gun control.  That is how we end violence.

But, of course, it is not.  Politicians and talking heads are arguing about what guns citizens should rightfully be able to own and what guns they should not, how much ammunition is too much ammunition and what gun permits should look like; they discuss what kinds of ratings should be placed on video games and what kinds of control can legally be put on the gaming and movie industries -- and meanwhile, no one cares about the young man, somewhere in America, whose mind is so damaged, whose thinking is so broken, that all he wants to do is taste as much death as possible before he dies.  He is the loaded weapon beyond human scale.  What are we doing about him? 

Every child in America has 10 years of mandatory schooling -- the vast majority of them in public, government run schools.  We want police officers at every school, police officers armed with guns.  But, what about psychologists?  What about counselors that are actually trained as counselors that may be able to spot the sociopath before he does violence?  While we periodically check our school children for lice, scoliosis and hearing and vision deficiencies, why don't we periodically check them for psychological health?  Mental illness is a severe problem that none of the politicians or talking heads are seriously discussing.  We as a people are not moving forward in finding ways to deal with psychopaths and sociopaths and the plain old mentally ill. 

Suicide among the young is always frightening.  In the last several years, we have seen teenagers and pre-teens take their own lives after being bullied.  We say that the bullies are the problem -- and that is certainly reasonable to say and to think.  All of our national conversations and legislative acts have been aimed at controlling the actions of the bullies.  Yet, again, we see in these terribly sad stories the lure of death -- young people that want to die.  They see death as a good thing, as an answer to a problem.  What are we honestly doing about that? 

Mental illness has many forms and they all need to be handled as early as possible.  All people begin as children, children in the care of their parents -- and children in the care of public schools.  How well are we raising human beings when we ignore mental illness? Are we truly trying to help equip people to deal with the real problems of real life -- like loneliness, isolation, self-loathing, jealousy, rage etc.?  Or are we merely trying to ensure that they aren't equipped with guns?  Surely, we must make sure that we are not "blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel."

All Manner: a memory

Matthew 4:23-24

23. And Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people.

24. And his fame went throughout all Syria: and they brought unto him all sick people that were taken with divers diseases and torments, and those which were possessed with devils, and those which were lunatick, and those that had the palsy; and he healed them.

I have always been diseased.  Raised as a Catholic in the time of televangelists, one big question was always there, hanging all around: why won't Jesus heal me?  I never specifically asked that question in my mind or to anyone -- it was just there.  How can a child who is unable to walk not hear the stories of Jesus healing the lame and telling the paralytic to rise up and walk and not wonder?

When I was about six years old, my father took me and my sister to a healing prayer service in Manchester with Father Diorio, who was known to bring about healing.  (My mother had a serious back problem at that time and couldn't come with us.)  During the service, I imagined that God was telling the priest different peoples names -- as some televangelists claimed -- and those people would come up to the front of the church and be healed by him.  And I remember looking up at the rafters of Ste. Marie's and hoping God would say my name.  But, he didn't.  After the service, I remember sitting outside the building and my father comforting my sister as she cried in the dark.  Was she crying for my mother?  For me?  What I do remember is thinking then that there was something wrong with the way some people thought God worked.  I had heard that if you are a good person and you had enough faith, then God would heal you.  But, I was not the kind of child to think that there was something wrong with me.  I knew that I was not an extremely good child and I was sure that my faith could be stronger... but I wasn't sure that God was supposed to heal me.  I mean, I didn't think that faith was some kind of formula, some kind of magic spell to right what was wrong.  Maybe what was most important to God was not that I could walk or couldn't walk.  Maybe it was okay to be crippled.  To be diseased.  Maybe that was not a terrible wrong that needed to be righted in the eyes of God.  Not because God was mean or uncaring... but because I was beautiful just the way I was.

It took me a long time to sort through this question and to arrive at some kind of answer.  I've been through quite a journey in my search for the truth.  But, one thing that I've never doubted is the beauty of the natural world.  Life is a good.  My animosity toward Christianity first arose when I was led to believe by well-meaning people that Christians didn't think like that.  If Christians can only see me as someone "taken with divers diseases and torments" in need of faith in Jesus's healing -- then I certainly didn't want to be a Christian.  On the other hand, from a more Roman Catholic viewpoint, if Christians saw me as one of the littlest of the little ones, closer to God because of my disease -- well, I didn't much care for that way of thinking, either.  Basically, I think that the question of why is there natural suffering in the world can be answered well in two ways.  The natural world is not perfect because it is not God Godself.  And, as Robert Frost says in his poem, "We dance round in a ring and suppose, But the Secret sits in the middle and knows."

For me, now, when I think about Jesus's great mission to heal the sick, I think about the passage of Scripture when he quietly leaves the crowd waiting to be healed and the disciples find him by himself, praying.  They want him to go back and heal the people, but he tells them that he must keep moving and spreading the word of God.  This tells me that the physical state of the person is not what is most important in the eyes of God -- not what is most important to Divine purpose and eternal truth.  The sharing and spreading of knowledge and love -- knowing God and loving as God loves -- that's all that really matters.  And matter, our physical world and our physical states, is most material to that end -- whatever shape or strength in which the matter comes.

Take No Thought

Matthew 6:31-33

31. Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32. (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

33. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

I might be having surgery.  My gynecologist wants to remove a uterine fibroid, warning that, if she doesn't, well... basically I might bleed to death.  Nice and scary doctor talk.  The problem is that I have severe scoliosis and, with my SMA and restricted lung disease making intubation unpalatable to me, spinal anesthesia could be very tricky.  The choice to have surgery is not a no-brainer by any means, so I have to make a decision.  And I've been praying that I'll make the right one.

My big question to God is, "What shall I do?"  Perhaps, however, I'm being over solicitous about the survival of my body.  God knows what I need to live my life and God will provide.  Is that not what Scripture tells us?  And yet... I do wonder... is God providing me with surgery so that I can live my life as He intends?  Or, should I leave all of this completely in His hands and deal with the fibroid naturally?  This is the first time that I've ever thought that it would be easier to be a Christian Scientist.  But, I can also see that, perhaps, I'm missing the point of Scripture.  Instead of wondering what I should do for my body and asking God to show me the right answer, I should wonder at the Mystery and majestic beauty of God and ask Him to open me up to His ultimate plan for me.

My life should certainly not be about when or how I will die.  Life is about living.  If I immerse my mind and spirit in the infinite wellspring of Divine Presence, Divine Beauty and Love, perhaps, then, all the little turns in life will be made clear.  For first, obviously, is existence and then, second, is material movement and all matters of the physical world.  To surrender and let myself be united, at one, with the Eternal Source of Being in my thoughts and prayers -- that is surely the beginning, the first order of things.  I have no food, no drink, no body to clothe, without first my soul and the outpouring power of God's creative love.  Let me rest on that, truly think of that... ponder that... gnaw upon that.  And everything else will come after, as fruit proceeds from the submerging of the withdrawn seed.

Wait On Him

Mark 3:9-12

9.      And he spake to his disciples, that a small ship should wait on him because of the multitude, lest they should throng him.

10. For he had healed many; insomuch that they pressed upon him for to touch him, as many as had plagues.

11. And unclean spirits, when they saw him, fell down before him, and cried, saying, Thou art the Son of God.

12. And he straitly charged them that they should not make him known.

St. John the Baptist said, when telling people that he was not the Messiah, "... among you stands one whom you do not know...", referring, of course, to the true Messiah, Jesus Christ.  (John 1:26).  Even as a multitude of people pressed upon Jesus, later in his ministry, though they sought to be healed by him, they did not know him.  "Unclean spirits" fell before him on seeing him and cried out that he was the Son of God -- but he charged them not to make him known.  For, human beings didn't really know him.  Though his reputation for healing spread far and wide and drew thousands to him, they did not really come to Him or for Him.  They came for the miracles that they could get from Jesus without even knowing (and perhaps not even caring) who he was.

Are we Christians like that?  Are we interested only in what we can get from Jesus, from calling upon his name?  Do we make the effort to truly KNOW Him?  As Christians, we say that he is the Son of God.  But is that just another part of the formula to us?  What does it really mean to us that Jesus is the Son of God -- God from God, Light from Light, True God from True God -- and all the other things that we profess about him?  Sure, we can describe him... but does that mean that we know him?  Or, with our creeds, prayers and practices, are we merely pressing upon him, nearly threatening to throng him with what we want for ourselves?

As I examine myself to see if I'm guilty of this, I'm asking myself if I ever fall before Jesus -- not in petition, but in true surrender, in full recognition of my unworthiness before him.  Like the disciples on Mount Tabor: upon seeing Jesus transfigured, "a bright cloud overshadowed them" and, hearing the voice of God, "... they fell on their faces, and were filled with awe."  (Matthew 17:5-7).  Do I adore Christ Jesus, Incarnate God, and let the cloud of Divine Mystery "overshadow" me?  Do I fall before Him and become filled with awe?  In that adoration, that surrender, in that ecstasy of unknowing, I come exquisitely close to fully KNOWING Him.  And... when I minister to another human being in selfless love, surrendering myself to Christ Jesus, giving myself to Him in, with, and through the other... then I do know Him.  For whatever we do to the littlest ones who stand among us, we do to Him.  (Matthew 25).  I recognize Him, I adore Him, I follow Him and minister to Him, I do His will and I love Him, truly, intimately, with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength.  (Mark 12:30).

Christianity: I can't be in it for myself.  So, next time I want to press upon Jesus with my petitions, I will try to remember to forget what I think I know -- and let Him press into and overshadow me.

That Ye Be

Matthew 7:1

1.      Judge not, that ye be not judged.

A human being is a lifetime --

not a tattoo, an accent, a smell, a careless word, a thoughtless deed.

No single action or event defines a person, drawing an outline

into which the person must always be pushed in to fit.

A person is boundless, for the soul can not be pinned down and tagged, shelved

into categories in pullout drawers.  Judgment is narrow.  It points

to this act and that intent.  It can speak factually about the matters of a moment --

but it cannot probe into the infinite depths of being.  It cannot know

the true love of a human heart... the true pain.

We see what issues forth with no regard for what lies beneath:

a human being just like me.

Or, perhaps... that's the problem.